Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I feel like some kind of drug addict.
I drank a little coffee yesterday to see if I could take caffeine in that form, since my mom has the same problem but can still drink coffee. And now I've got a bad, bad headache.
I already took six ibuprofen and I know I shouldn't take more because it could do something terrible to me but I really really want to and now I'm getting nervous and restless and twitchy because I want it and I know I shouldn't take it. I'm reacting to every little itch and doing nervous things like running my hands through my hair or just rubbing at my shoulders or wrists or whathaveyou.
Probably the only reason I'm bothering to blog about this is because my mom left at three am this morning for a week-long vacation with my aunt in Hawaii and my dad works all day and my mom was my only source of real human interaction and I'm incredibly lonely today. Even most of my internet messenger friends haven't been online.
I'm sure this isn't a hundredth of what real drug addicts feel and I'm not actually addicted to painkillers anyway, none of the ones I take are addictive.
Moreso I'm addicted to the sensation of not being in pain because lately I'm always in some form of unrelenting pain and I don't remember what it feels like to not be in pain and I really really really want to take the painkillers.
About the only thing holding me back is knowing that my parents would be upset with me.
So now I'm worried that when I'm out of the house and on my own I'll kill myself by ODing on painkillers.
I'm going to shoot for nine, nine-thirty before I take the Nyquil.