Oh God, am I dying?
That's what it felt like. Like I'd been shot in the face. That must have been what happened. Some backsewer genderist with a sawed-off shotgun had seen me on my way home from a hard night's clubbing in my fem attire and gunned me down in an alley. And now I was lying on the concrete floor of some warehouse somewhere, my skull shattered open with my brainspace spilling out, and next door were construction workers operating jackhammers and wrecking balls.
I was absolutely certain of this for about five minutes.
Then my eyes finally insisted on opening(since after five minutes of continuing existence, my brain was arguing that maybe my brainspace wasn't ENTIRELY shattered raw) and saw the the couch pillow my head was resting on. Things beyond that were pretty blurry, but I could just barely make out something that two small white somethings were resting on next to a cup-shaped something. It was right in front of my face, within reach.
What--pills? OhthankGodDRUGS. DRUGS MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.
I struggled upright, fumbled for the white pills, popped them down my throat, and emptied the cup down after it. Then I collapsed back onto the couch. After an eternity more of jackhammers and wrecking balls, I felt them kick in, and I drifted off into blissful darkness.
This couch pillow is really itchy.
...I don't HAVE a couch.
Oh God, where the hell AM I?
My eyes snapped open and I sat up immediately. This wasn't the first time I'd woken up in a strange apartment, so I wasn't completely panicking.
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I know "I felt them kick in" after the jackhammers and wrecking balls bit is confusing. I'll fix it.
ReplyDeleteAlso I know that "sawed-off shotgun" and "gunned down" is repetitive. I'm going to replace it with "mowed down".
This is much better! I think it could be fleshed out a little more but it's definitely the right track.
ReplyDeleteI didn't notice the bits you mention in your comment, so I think you're looking too deep for flaws. By all means, fix what you find, though.