Barometers and Astronauts

My mom likes to joke that I'm the barometer, because of the sinus headaches thing.
This is me not amused face.
Astronauts because that recent episode of Pscyh about the aliens was hilarious.

Flattery: a wicked little emp that enjoys excessive luxury and glamour. He tends to wear all sorts of flashy clothes and accessories and makes grand sweeping flailing movements a lot to attract attention to himself. He loves money, fast cars, has a ton of tattoos, and uses insidious little compliments to subtly manipulate those around him. He always has either a parasol or a fan with him, both made of lace, and whenever he feels he isn't getting enough attention he'll flutter his fan or twirl his parasol and if that doesn't work, he'll burst out laughing about some inane nothing that he'll pull out of his ass(usually he pretends to be talking on his cell phone) or start crying, or throw a tantrum about how no one ever listens to him.
Doldrum: an amusing counterpart to him. Doldrum is a gargoyle. I'm not really sure about anything about them beyond that. Flattery is forever attempting to convince Doldrum of their need for a makeover, because Flattery needs EVERYTHING AROUND HIM TO BE FABULOUS AND PRETTY OR HE FEELS DEPRESSED, aaand...Flattery lives in the cat-lady's manor, so he's always trying to prettify everything, and he needs to be up on the roof around the gargoyles a lot for some reason. He's the dove-keeper. Yes. The cat-lady enjoys birds as much as she eats them, and she likes to keep doves as pets. I'm thinking PTDD MC gets assigned their eventually when they find out how bad he sucks at thieving, and once Flattery gives him the very most basic outline of how to do stuff, the emp runs off to go shopping and suchnot. MC enjoys the doves, actually--they're very stupid, so they're both docile and highly amusing in their idiotic antics. And he doesn't have to do much, except let them out in the mornings and feed them and get the hell out of the way when they all start taking off, and feed them at night when they come back in and shut them all up again and make sure that at least the favourites always come back. And he also needs to keep an eye out for any ailments or that sort of thing, like a hobbling gait or a struggling wing. They're trained to be very used to people, so they climb all over him and he gets a close look to make sure they aren't sickly in more subtle ways, like crusting or oozing round the eyes and beaks and such.
The main problem he has to deal with is the gremlins. Little demony things that tend to come around at least once a week and try to steal/eat a dove. MC has no idea why they don't just eat the pigeons in Time Square(the doves are fatter, actually) but he has to keep after them to make sure they aren't sneaking into the coops or snatching them while they're feeding. He has a few winged cats that act as sort of herding dogs, and they sound an alarm or attack the gremlins when they catch sight of them. The cats aren't allowed to eat the doves, and they're kept fed well enough that they don't really care.
The gargoyles take care of the whole household, and they keep MC company on occasion when he's feeling lonely(gargoyles can taste those kinds of things in the air.) Flattery tends to dump most of the work on him, though after being threatened with getting fired, Flattery starts putting in a more fair workload(though he still makes MC clean the coops.) Doldrum is very good for stories and keeping warm on cold nights. Flattery is always buying the gargoyles shiney collars and things, and though they very politely accept them(gargoyles, if properly raised in a civilized environment, are always very polite)they don't usually actually make use of them. Doldrum is no exception. The only reason he's special is because he's among the very few gargoyles that can actually tolerate Flattery fer more than five minutes.


Also, I am a Deinonychus. According to Mek, they're the best. So there you have it. True facts.